Ok let me be blunt last night was STRANGE.
I am sat here rather busted and bruised. My nose is almost broken yet my only crime of injuries was enjoying myself. So here is the story.
I’ve been working very hard the last few weeks, over the last 4 months I’ve been to France, Germany, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Sweden, Jersey and all over England so last night after flying back from Berlin I decided to go out and have a bit of fun.
Not far from the airport is a rather strange little pub, it reminds me of the bar in Star Wars you get all sorts in there and I mean all sorts! Last week I heard the place was shutting down so imagine my surprise when I had a text message from a friend of mine saying it was open. The bar/club was owned by an 89 year old guy who is a self admitted schizophrenic man who had over 20 years of psychiatric treatment. Yet last night was his final night of ownership.
The night was going slow until the Polish DJ turned up and informing us that there was about to be a “Polish Gypsy” evening. Now I had no idea what the evening was about but within 20 minutes the place was full of Polish women in traditional gypsy dress and a lot of Polish men who just sat at the table drinking a lot of vodka whilst the women were up dancing.
Around an hour into the evening the DJ (who is now the new owner) played some old school break-dance music. A few of the polish men got up and began to dance. My friend who is not a bad dancer decided to get on the dance floor and show them how it is done, but the true horror was about to unfold. When I was a teenager I was an avid break-dancer and would be often found spinning on my back or head and I’m rather proud to say I can still pull of a few moves.
So I decided to join my friend on the floor. Oh I was good! Windmills, spinning on my back, crazy legs, you name it I did it! I even got a round of applause from everyone. But the real tragedy was about to unfold.
After two double Sambucas I tried to do a “Face your fear” which is basically where you throw your body in the air and then arch your torso so you move backwards and looks a lot like the caterpillar move. It’s been years since I had attempted one at it showed as I fell flat on my face nose first. Good job nobody was filming as it would have been an instant YouTube hit; do you remember that guy with the Nunchucks who fell on his face? This was ten times more painful and to those watching no doubt funnier.
An ambulance was called they checked me out and said I was lucky not to have broken my nose and I had badly bruised it (It’s currently purple). Anyway by the time I got back in I had realised that I had missed my last tube home so I tried in vain to find a hotel. Eventually the 89 year old owner said that “As I was such a good customer over the past year” I could stay at his house.
I have had little dealings with this man but from what people have said he is rather old fashioned and strange, yet always welcoming and happy. I was too drunk to refuse and the last thing I recall is falling asleep on a rather uncomfortable bed.
Around 9am I was awoken by the sounds of a grandfather clock chiming. I did not know where I was nor how I got there but the night began to piece itself together slowly. I needed the toilet so spent the next 15 minutes wandering around this massive west London mansion trying to find the loo. Now when people said that he was old fashioned I had NO IDEA how correct they were. This man had no cooker, microwave, television, internet, fridge or freezer. The kitchen had a mangle from the 1950’s and an old fashioned cupboard. The front room had this old radio and that was it! I then looked up and saw a rather large collection of guns.
Now I am not saying it was the best decision in the world but when you wake up in a house of an 89 year old schizophrenic who has guns and live ammunition in the house, with a broken nose, you don’t hang around too long.
I eventually got home and realised just what a night it had been, injuries, dancing, drinking, playing pool and then to top it off waking up in a strange mansion surrounded by stuffed animals and guns.
Life is never dull with me.
