Sometimes you wonder if we are trapped in our solitary isolation because of who were are. Is it a generic hereditary reason that we are who we are or do we make our own existence?
Sometimes when I was a child I would often feel isolated because I did not belong. Not because of any social status or physical attribute but purely because I just did not feel ‘Normal’. I did not want to leave school and settle down in the tiny village that I grew up in. I wanted to expand my horizons as far as possible and seek every corner of the Earth to make myself a better person.
I knew that things would not be the same for me from a very early age, I knew that I would not have children to early, that there was always going to be a creative goal in my life that would be achievable not matter how unrealistic it felt.
Yet even in my 20’s I still did not feel that I belonged. I did not want to be part of the group of lads who would go out each night and get pissed trying desperately hard to chat up a girl with half a kebab hanging out of my mouth. If we went to see a movie my friends would be talking about the action scenes whereas I would be thinking “If I were that character would I have used my intellect or emotions differently?”, then go off on a tangent thinking about the storyline and how my own imagination could make it better.
I have no time for the here and now, my mind belongs in a time long gone by. A medieval prince trapped in the body of a Primeval time. Life was more primitive back then, more rustic and nomadic but there seems to lie within that period an element of romanticism that has long since left us. We now just live in a social bubble and from that early age I wanted to burst it.
Solitary Isolation maybe what best sums up my life. Yet it takes two to lead the escape.
