As I was packing up my stuff today I found my diaries from 2001-2007. After spending most of the day reading them I wanted to share this entry with you from December 2006. After living with my ex for 3 years I had to find a flate mate for the last two months of my tenancy. What I was not expecting was a person who would change my life forever, yet a person I would never see again. The best friend I never had.
16 December 2006
Well that was different. Where have the last six weeks gone? In fact where has the past four years gone? I never expected any person to change my life so instantly but you really achieved this.
Right now as I drink this beer the snow is falling on the ground outside, the illuminations of Canary Wharf shine on the house like a lighthouse to a shore. The house is empty, this house, our was it our house? I give up even thinking.
Was four years ago when I moved in with my “ex”, even now the sound of that still feels strange, it has been 3 months since we broke up yet she still texts me. She knows that the minute a relationship is over I will never go back to it; all memories destroyed all traces erased. I know she cheated on me but I guess the initial feeling of anger is rather over the way she made me stay in this house, she knew that we had another four months to lease. So whilst it was ok for her to move out and start again with her new man I was left to remain in this “prison”, not being able to afford the rent, not being able to erase the memories. That in itself was the coldest act of all. It was like a torture.
So I had to rent the spare room out, only for two months as I am leaving just after the New Year. What sort of person would rent a room for just two months? Would I attract a party freak? Or someone who just locks themselves away? I did not care it was only for eight weeks.
But there you were. Marie. You came in with a sense of humour in an incredibly bad time. In the six weeks that you have been here you have changed my life. Though I was walking around like a zombie you shook me down, dusted me off and made me feel somewhat human again.
Of all the years that you have been alive I know that no friend has made such an impact as you did. The irony is that I doubt you ever knew that you did this, you were just being yourself. The last day we shared as friends was one I don’t think I will ever forget. That lovely Indian meal then Christmas shopping in Greenwich. I hope your friends and boyfriend enjoy their presents!
So as I sit here, drinking my beer and the snow drifts down as gently as can be I think of the time I moved into the house and my imminent departure. The three years I spent with my ex and the six weeks I spent with a complete stranger.
The conclusion is that the three years I spent with her will soon become nothing more than a distant memory. The last six weeks will stay with me forever. Thank you for waking me up.
