So at last you have admitted the truth.
A decade after you first spilled your lies about me I have held my tongue, bitten it so hard it bled. The lies that your mouth spewed year after year, Spring to winter my reputation and dignity extinguished in a flame of self despair.
I remember that year well, the eyes that I once looked into and laughed now looked at me with hate, despair, and disbelief. Friends, colleagues even family turn their back on you; surely the words that you said were so strong, so unbelievable that nobody would lie about that.
The pain was so unbearable that I had to remove myself from my home time and move to a new city, a cold place where I knew nobody. My souls was charred, my spirit crippled, my dreams shattered. Nobody asked my for my side. Parents, family all looked at with me with not an ounce of trust or love.
Yet I could not die. For over ten years I heard the whispers “How could he, he was such a lovely guy”, “I cannot believe how we did not see through this”. Yet I knew that one day it would all be out. The rains of spring, the blistering heat of the summer, the chill of the fall and the harshness of countless winters, those seasons protected me as my soul began the process of self repair. Dignity, pride, the will to carry on those are things that you just cannot kill, resilience and self dignity are two emotions that you cannot drown.
Gradually year by year my footsteps to home got closer, I knew I was not welcome, I knew that I could not return. I longed to feel home again; I yearned to feel the familiar scent of the land I once called my abode. During the interim I did meet those who helped my heart heel, met those who hurt me yet compared to the pain I endured with you it was like being stung by a bee compared to your bullet into the heart.
Eventually I wondered if people would forget my name, could they, would they? My mind was my inner sanctum your was your words of mass destruction. I heard the laughter that you caused, the name I once wrote with pride killed off with such venom and hatred even the Devil would have applauded your efforts.
Now ten years on you admit the truth. Why not? After all the name was so blasphemous that it would not matter, the poisonous lies that you spilt, those lies that turned my once bright soul into complete darkness was dead and buried. I heard many just stayed silent, no doubt my parents and family were wondering not just why you lied but also if it is too late to heal the bridge between us.
What did happen to “me?”
Do any wonder? Do any conceive if I am now an alcoholic or homeless person lying in a gutter? Where is the once smiling man?
Word is that he gave up and forgave you and all those who despised him; rumour is that he just curled up and died. Did he forgive and forget?
Did he fuck.
The process of healing not only excluded me to my own self imposed exile and sanctuary, it gave me the opportunity to learn how to fight back with the venom the likes of which you cannot imagine.
Do not reap my whirlwind Bitch, look me in the eye and face the hurricane of my destruction. It’s heading your way.
