Found this in an email. Thought it was good advice when writing about emotions in a script.
So I’m in the middle of a few newsletters on actual writing
style, the “nitty gritty” of actual WRITING, where the
rubber meets the road, the actually putting of words on paper……let’s look at a sample scene:
FADE IN:
INT. A STARVING WRITER’S GARRET – NIGHT
WE SEE A WRITER, hard at work on her screenplay. WE HEAR her
long fingernails CLACKING at the keyboard.End of scene example.
Anything wrong with the above? Aside from the fact that is has
no title, begins on an interior with no establishing exterior,
the lead character, A WRITER, is given no name or description,
and I haven’t read my last newsletter about the present
progressive tense, AND it’s about a writer of all things,
etc.?Ok, I guess there’s a lot wrong with it. But the thing I WANT
to point out is actually widely accepted in the screenwriting
world and done by writers all the time, probably even in
produced screenplays, and even if you don’t do it in YOUR
screenplay, well it will probably make very little difference to
the finished product, ie, the FILM……that is unless a poor writing style keeps that from ever
happening. And this may only be my opinion…here it comes:I’m against the word “WE”. More specifically, I’m
against WE SEE and/or WE HEAR.It’s SCREENWRITING…it’s a visual medium. It’s implied.
If you WRITE IT…we SEE IT. Understand?You don’t write what the camera doesn’t see and what isn’t
seen by the viewer of the movie, the WE in your sentence. Why?Well, because it’s implied and it’s already been done for
you by the medium. But if you do it once, why don’t you do it
in front of EVERY SINGLE LINE? We’re seeing everything you
write, aren’t we? So why are singling out this thing you told
us WE SEE? What about that next thing…are we NOT seeing that?
You said we see the first thing, so I have to assume we’re not
seeing this thing, since you didn’t tell me we were…You’re squandering the strength given to you by the format and
medium of the screenplay, and ultimately of film.And format convention provides you with a way to convey WE HEAR
as well…just CAPITALIZE sound effects. So, rewrite the above:“Her long fingernails CLACK on the keyboard.”
This convention started for the same reason capitalizing
characters – on introduction only – so that casting
directors and sound effects people could easily skim a script
and make cast lists and lists of sound effects, respectively.
But you can use it to your advantage.What about when…we’ve got a killer doing a murder and we
don’t want to reveal his identity to the audience, shouldn’t
we write:“We don’t see the killer’s face.” Maybe…but it’s
not as good as:“The Killer’s face hidden in shadow.”
There’s almost always a way to write it out. First, just try
LEAVING it out. So, rewrite of the above:FADE IN:
INT. A STARVING WRITER’S GARRET – NIGHT
A WRITER, hard at work on her screenplay, long fingernails CLACK
on the keyboard.But there’s more…there’s a definite philosophical and
maybe even moral reason I’m not in favor of using the pronoun
“We” to refer to the audience watching the movie. That’s
our next newsletter.Article by Chris Soth
