Fight, Flight or Vanish

I once read in a book that when an animal is cornered it will either adopt one of two options “Fight or Flight”. The book was a martial arts book covering how people reacted under physical pressure and how the mind works when people fight back or cower.

I thought about this when it comes to being under pressure and came to the conclusion that I adopt a third option “Vanish”. Looking back over the past ten years or so it appears it’s an inbuilt defensive mechanism that I have. I don’t feel pressure from expectations nor ability, my defensive mode arises when it comes to people’s demands.

Those who know me will know that I don’t really have a regular social pattern. There are days where I will be happy to talk on the phone for hours; there are days when I turn all technology off. That is what some people find hardest to understand. If you send me a text message I’ll answer it when I can, sending one ten minutes after and then another is only going to push me into my vanishing mode.

The same with time. There are days where I will just want to be by myself, I don’t need to be surrounded by anyone, and I just need peace and social isolation. But still the pressures from friends, loved ones and even family can push me into my vanishing act.

The more pressure people put on me for not having my own time to think about things the worse I will be. In the past,  I have been pushed so far that I have actually cut people out of my life in whatever way I need to in order to sustain peace. Block emails, numbers just so that I can breathe.

A good friend will always know that we all need space in the best and worst of times, or we simply forget whom we need to be.  Holding an emotional gun to someone’s head is never going to make things better. Sometimes you need to let that person be free; regardless of how long it takes.