What you once said to me? “No matter what you do in life, you will always be part of this family”…
Ah yes, the family.
The people that we will always be bonded with. No matter where we are in existence, no matter where we go they are always going to be as much a part of us as we are part of them.
I walk down the path that is called life and see many people along the way, some familiar, and some strangers. Yet the common eyes of those relations are always watching me, peering through the darkened shadows like moths attracted to the headlights of a flame.
From an unusually early age, I knew that I was referred to as what is commonly called “The Black Sheep of the family”. The one that feels like an outsider, different from the rest. Vocally I kept private and refrained from expressing this to anyone. Why? Simply because no matter what is said in family circles there is no such thing as a complete element of trust. So subconsciously I was aware from my earliest thought that I could not just simply be another part of this family. I had to be different.
The greatest scientists have said that “the older we get the more we grow into our parents”, physically I agree, spiritually I don’t. You take each event that happened in my life, the joys and the pain you all put me through were carved into my heart with a blade called remembrance.
To you all each was nothing more than an event. A moment in time that was either pleasurable or forgettable. For it, was a lesson, a lesson that I swore I would learn from and if dishonest never pass on to my own children.
Lessons learnt, history never repeating itself.
Yet as, I scratch into the surface of my own human existence, it is evident that there are some secrets that I am now only learning about you that are inherent within my own genes.
Let’s be honest. I am no angel. Yet then again neither are you.
The betrayal, the cheating, lying and stealing that shape my dark soul may have been handed down after all.
Deep down you were never perfect but, I always held up the upmost respect for you all. Yet it seems that, underneath the surface, there is a familiar stain that darkened our family crest. Our Motto should be changed to “superbia est nostrum ruina” or “Pride is our downfall”.
Like me, you are only human, yet that’s where the similarities cease.
All this time in my own creation of segregation there has always been a target. That master stroke where I needed not only to move away from it all and become my own soul but create a new path for, the name we all live by.
For mistakes are the stepping stones our own experience and the errors our family made are my way to self-discovery.
Deanthebard July 2011
